Girl with a Pearl Drum

It is amazing what can happen in 2 months…which is how long it took me to update this blog.  I have encountered a depression that I have never fathomed before: Post Graduate Depression Syndrome. While dealing with this (and still am), I can only sit and lament at the fact that so many people take advantage of school.  The essential worries an undergraduate student has to think of is the next upcoming exam to study for, what to eat for lunch, and whether you will talk to your professor tomorrow or next week.  Everything is planned out for you…you just pick your classes and follow the syllabus.  My version of paradise is one in which there is a never-ending school.  I wish I could stay in school and major in everything: sociology, anthropology, economics, philosophy…I’d even try art.

The real world is filled with so much uncertainty.

Anyway, to place my title into the spotlight for the moment: I took my friend’s advice and applied for a job with developmentally disabled children.  It’s just a temporary job and I am doing it to witness the “growing and learning experience” that my friend continually rants and raves about.  The disorders these children have include cerebral palsy, autism, mental retardation, epilepsy, and other neurological disorders. I work with girls ages 6-24.

This experience really has proven to be an extraordinary one because these children all seem to have bipolar disorder.  One moment they are holding your hand, smiling, and showing extreme love.  The next moment they are on the floor tantrumming and refusing to participate in any activities.  I often wonder what is within these children that manifests something of God.  Everything in creation is a sign and manifestation of the attributes of God.  Thus…what kinds of signs do these children convey?

I have some thoughts. First, they should make “normal” people appreciate their faculties of mental awareness and speech.  Second, they have trouble with simple tasks such as brushing one’s teeth…this may symbolize that at the end of the day humans are all the same: bodies of flesh and clay that depend on simple, mundane processes in order to function in society properly.

I have a beautiful memory that cannot leave my mind.  Today I hugged a girl before she was about to sleep.  She gave me a kiss on the cheek.  I do not want to or intend to fall for her simple gesture.  Just previous to her calm and loving demeanor she was screaming and throwing her sheets, pillows, and comforters at her counselors.  But after the trantrumming ceased…she became affectionate again.  After looking at her lying helpless in bed..and reflecting on her dependency on counselors for direction in all matters of life during the day…one can’t help but have love and compassion.  She is really beautiful.  And I don’t mean exterior beauty.

Then it hit me.

Human beings tantrum all the time.  We sin extensively throughout our lives and even present a horrible attitude to our Creator.  Yet our Creator probably looks at us, knows our complete helplessness and dependency on Him for all matters in life, and has deep compassion.  The same girl who kissed me has erratic trantrums throughout the day.  She hates to take a shower…we shower her while she is yelling “no” anyway.  She hates to leave the lounge to participate in productive activities.  We wait patiently until she is done crying before we sometimes have to redirect her out of the room.  To her we may seem evil but we are doing it for her own growth.  The goal of my job’s organization is to promote the Independence, Inclusion, and Productivity of the developmentally disabled.  Allah probably aims the same for us.  We may cry and tantrum but God is still there to show compassion.

Posted in: Advice & Wisdom, General, Pain & Tribulations by Hifzin114 /
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I am fascinated by poverty.  I find it refreshing that many of the poor can live and be happy with much less.  I am also envious of them because of the hadith stating that the poor will enter Paradise before the rich.

This summer I had the honor of bumping into the Phoenix House.  I went there a few times to donate by dad’s books (of which there were hundreds).  As soon as I drove through the gate I felt the ease yet liveliness of this small community.  If a resident looked at you, it was usually coupled with a smile.  I went to the main office and the guy at the front desk was smiling from ear to ear.  “I just came to donate some books…”  I said a bit slowly.  “Wow! Thanks, this is truly generous of you,” the guy responded sincerely.  A bunch of guys came to see who I was and what I wanted.  Finally a Muslim man came and it turned out that he was a counselor.  He spoke to me in Arabic.  Everyone in the room seemed amazed.  A young woman passed by and she pointed at one of the books I had brought.  “I had a book like that, can I take this?”  The Muslim counselor approved her request. 

The Phoenix House is not for the poor.  But it is a safe haven for those who made the wrong decisions in life…usually with drugs, alcohol, and small crime.  They hold classes and try to influence the residents to change their lives around and become valuable assets to their communities.  I can attest to the fact that the Phoenix House is very successful in their efforts.  The Muslim counselor introduced me to a young Muslim woman who was involved with drugs and also had a beautiful baby.  She was wearing the abayah (Muslim long dress) and a hijab when I met her.  She told me how the Phoenix House altered her life and I was truly impressed.  I returned the next day to bring her two of my favorite books and other small gifts.  It was refreshing to be in this environment…an environment that is really making a difference.

As much as I liked the environment, I also felt very different.  I could tell that most of the residents of the Phoenix House had a rough upbringing.  However, everyone–whether they had a shady past or not–was friendly and warm towards me.  I returned a few more times to bring books.  I didn’t even have to leave my car before a bunch of guys would walk out to help me carry the books out of the trunk.  They were really excited to see them and they already nicknamed me “The girl with the books”.  I told one of the guys that I really liked the environment of the Phoenix House, and he said, “Yea, we’re like a commune!  A huge family.”

May God place success into their efforts.

Posted in: General by Hifzin114 /
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I changed the title of my blog!
I was getting bored of the “Eye of the Soulstorm”, and as I was thinking about it one day while playing my drum…it hit me.  I love playing my drum!

Why Pearl?  Because my drum is special and means a lot to me. :)

Balancing the rhythm of life can be equated to the serenity one finds through contemplation.  Everyone needs balance.

A like my title because it is a bit more simplistic than the first one…I am tending to think more simplistic lately because with the way the world is today with the growth of injustice and natural disasters…we just need to be simple people.

Posted in: General by Hifzin114 /
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I went to Guyana–the home country of my parents–for about a week this summer.  I didn’t expect it to turn out to be the eye-opening experience that it was.  No.  It wasn’t the food, although there are a lot of exotic fruits that grow in the Caribbean that do not grow here.  And no, it was not the culture, the soca music, or the humid and tropical weather that made the experience noteworthy.  All of the above definitely had an impact…especially the scores of absolutely beautiful palm and coconut trees.  But the best eye-opening experience was the unmatchable etiquette of the hosts within the house that we stayed at.

Who can wake up at 5 AM…take care of his rice fields, look after his farm animals, arrive back home at 9 to dine with your guests at breakfast, make sure they have adequate water to bathe with, drive them wherever they wanted to go, bring them back home for dinner, SERVE them while they were eating…and continue to have a smiling face and happy demeanor throughout?  This didn’t last for a day.  This lasted for a week.  Glory be to Allah, I came to Guyana to witness the reality of poverty but was still pampered like royalty.  Allah’s bounties are truly unbounded.

There is more that I can add to the scenario.  I am used to hearing aunties backbite.  However the aunty within the home I stayed at NEVER backbited.  She was a perennial smiler and remained silent most of the time.  Her husband was a talker but most of his speech was inquiring as to how comfortable we were.  What baffles me even more is that they are not visibly “religious”, but have hearts that could put many visible Muslims to shame.

I am starting to distrust physical appearances.  One’s beauty is such a mirage.  A hijab can be a mirage.  No one knows what kind of treasure chest of a heart lies beneath layers of “ugly” appearances.  I was telling my mom one day how I wanted to take off my hijab in order to feel the humility of people looking down upon me.  No, I would never actually do that!  But my family praises me too much and now I understand why the Prophet (pbuh) said to throw dust in the face of flatterers.  Praise can really get to your ego.  Now I am going to try and appreciate insults a bit more.  This is another hurdle to overcome but if it humbles you…then it has got to be good for you.

Posted in: General by Hifzin114 /
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A beautiful e-mail forward:

Things Are Not Always What They Seem…

Imam Ahmad used to mention the virtues of his sheikh, Imam Ash Shafi’ee to his wife. He would mention to her the extensive and superb knowledge of Imam Ash Shafi’ee as well as his taqwah (i.e. piety). Imam Ahmad invited Imam Ash Shafi’ee to come visit him at his home. When the time for dinner arrived, Imam Ash Shafi’ee ate until he was full and went to the guest room for some sleep.

The wife of Imam Ahmad said to him: “O Ahmad! Is this the same Shafi’ee that you used to tell me so much about?” Imam Ahmad said: “Indeed he is!” So she said: “I noticed three things about him worthy of criticism!  Firstly, when we served him the food, he ate plenty of it! Secondly, when he went into the guest room, he went to sleep without standing up to perform the night prayer (i.e. tahujjud)! Lastly, when he prayed Salat ul Fajr with us, he did not perform ablution (i.e. wudhu)?!

So Imam Ahmad went to Imam Ash Shafi’ee to ask him about these three matters his wife noticed. Imam Ash Shafi’ee said to him, (the way a father would explain to his son): “O Ahmad! I ate plenty because I know for certain that your food is halal (i.e. permissible islamically) and you are a generous man!  And the food that comes from a generous man is a cure, while the food that comes from a stingy man is a disease!

However, I didn’t eat plenty of food in order to achieve my fill; rather I ate plenty of your food in order to derive the cure from it! As for the reason I didn’t  stand up at night  to perform the night prayer, when I laid my head down to get some sleep, I looked and all I could see was the Book of Allah and the Sunnah of His Prophet  (Sallahu alaihi wa salam) right in front of my face! So I deducted 72 fiqh related benefits from them for the Muslims to benefit from. Thus there was no opportunity for me to stand and perform the night prayer!

As for the reason why I prayed Salat ul Fajr without performing ablution, by Allah! My eyes never tasted the sweetness of sleep in order for me to renew my wudhu!! I was awake the whole night, so I prayed Salat ul Fajr  with the same wudhu I had for Salat ul Isha!!!

Collected by Al Hafidh Ibn Hajr in Fath ul Bari concisely and by Abu Nu’aim in Hilya tul Awliyaa’

Translated by Abu Azzubayr Shadeed Muhammad on 3/30/2010 in the City of Riyadh Saudi Arabia

Lesson: “Judgements prevent us from seeing the good that lies beyond appearances.”

Posted in: General by Hifzin114 /
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There is a reason why we bump into the people that we do.  It may be a part of a larger plan, sort of like an unveiling (Kashf) of God’s supreme power reflected through the good qualities and amazing abilities of the people we encounter.

Once you become attached to a person’s personality, it is extremely hard to let go.  But essentially this is the purpose and idea behind the life of this world.  Do not become stuck at a level and you will attain spiritual ascension.

Rumi discusses this when he speaks about the “tresses” of God’s “hair”.  The tresses are the beautiful attributes of God that manifest through his creations.  People hold onto the tresses and become so infatuated that they forget that the sole purpose behind the tress was to guide them to the Being behind it.

Yes, people are beautiful, intelligent, generous, loving.  The world is beautiful, intelligent, generous, loving.  But do not allow these things to block your view of the Being behind them all.  Try not to allow yourself to hold onto a tress for so long that you cry when it is time to let it go.

It’s so hard sometimes because you wonder why you had to encounter the tress in the first place.  Yet there is a wisdom behind it, you may not understand it now, nor 10 years from now.  But use it as a tool to get beneath the “hair” that covers God.  Use it as a way of understanding the vastness and wonder of God.  Do not fall in love with the painting.  Like the painting but fall in love with the Painter.

Goodbye beautiful tress.

Posted in: Advice & Wisdom by Hifzin114 /
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I am comparing the inner religious dimension of Buddhism to Islam.  The idea behind eliminating dukha (suffering) in Buddhism is so pure and beautiful–it reminds me so much of Tasawwuf.  I have separated my paper into three ideas: non-attachment, self-annihilation, and enlightenment.

The more I study Buddhism, the stronger I become in my own faith.

Islam believes that there were 124,000 messengers of God who came to bring His message.  Buddha HAD to be one, inshAllah….

The greatest achievement is selflessness.
The greatest worth is self-mastery.
The greatest quality is seeking to serve others.
The greatest precept is continual awareness.
The greatest medicine is the emptiness of everything.
The greatest action is not conforming with the worlds ways.
The greatest magic is transmuting the passions.
The greatest generosity is non-attachment.
The greatest goodness is a peaceful mind.
The greatest patience is humility.
The greatest effort is not concerned with results.
The greatest meditation is a mind that lets go.
The greatest wisdom is seeing through appearances.

-Atisha (11th century Tibetan Buddhist master)

Posted in: Defeating the Ego by Hifzin114 /
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“It is wrong to think that love comes from long companionship and persevering courtship. Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is created in a moment, it will not be created for years or even generations”
-Kahlil Gibran

I agree and disagree. I agree that the most important bond in a companionship is spiritual affinity, but I also think it takes longer than a moment to find that affinity.

Kahlil Gibran is such a deep thinker, I love his quotes.

This one I agree with whole-heartedly:
“Let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.”

Posted in: Advice & Wisdom, Friendship, Love by Hifzin114 /
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People have told me that many youth go into marriage expecting to have a halaqah every day with your spouse. You and your spouse will recite Quran together, study together, discuss fine points of religion together, etc.

But I have heard that this rarely happens in marriage. And this is what depresses me.

InshAllah I will not fall into this mold.

A spouse to me is someone much more than one who you share affection and financial assets together. Your spouse is your stepping (or falling) stone to God. If you have a spouse that shares your enthusiasm, your drive for knowledge, your drive for ihsan, then to me THIS is a marriage.

I don’t want my marriage to become a mundane discussion of food and money transactions.

Maybe I’m naive, maybe I’m being too idealistic. But much more than romance what I crave in a marriage is to be able to enjoy the remembrance of God in each other’s presence.

I pray we all experience the same.

Posted in: General by Hifzin114 /
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Narrated Abu Qatada bin Rib’i Al-Ansari:
A funeral procession passed by Allah’s Apostle who said, “Relieved or relieving?” The people asked, “O Allah’s Apostle! What is relieved and relieving?” He said, “A believer is relieved (by death) from the troubles and hardships of the world and leaves for the Mercy of Allah, while (the death of) a wicked person relieves the people, the land, the trees, (and) the animals from him.”

My father’s death was a blessing (inshAllah).  He was finally relieved of his suffering from ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease).
May his soul find peace and beauty in the barzakh, the Day of Judgment, and in the Hereafter. Ameen.  I pray Allah grants him residence in Paradise near to the beloved Prophet (pbuh) and his companions.  My dad was amazing, he sacrificed his sleep and spare time to take me to countless of Islamic programs and events when I was a child.  I could write more but it would not do justice.  I’ll just keep my satisfaction and love for him in my heart for now.

I wasn’t sad at my dad’s wake nor at his janazah.  I was happy.  Happy because iA he is going to meet the Being that is the most beloved to him.  :)  My duty now is to carry on his legacy. <3 <3

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