Girl with a Pearl Drum

We often lose sight of transcendent beliefs when our prayers go unanswered, little do we know that calamities only serve to strengthen our character and prevent us from greater ones.

The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) was the most beloved creature on the face of the earth and in the history of mankind to God, yet he was also tried with the most calamities and tribulations.  Whenever he got sick, his illness would be 3X as worse than that of a regular person (mentioned in a hadith).  Tribulations are meant to make us strong individuals, purify us of our sins, and make us strong Warriors in the way of Allah.  This warrior is not meant in the narrow-minded way of fighting on the field.  It is the warrior of the soul, the capacity to have great morality, great generosity, great manners, and great character towards others.  A true warrior of God never looses control over his emotions, he never allows his anger to take hold of him.  He never allows his miserliness to prevent him from giving to others.  How do we reach this level?  Certainly not by being pampered and being treated like a prince/princess for the rest of our life.

Thus, tribulations given to us from Allah are also a mercy from him.  It is better to undergo tribulations on earth, rather than to endure tribulations in Jahannam (hellfire).  The Prophet (pbuh) had the toughest life on earth but he also had the highest place in Paradise.  Our response to Allah’s tribulations is what determines our place and worth in Paradise.

Abu Huraira reported that the Prophet (pbuh) said:
“Never a believer is stricken with a discomfort, an illness, an anxiety, a grief or mental worry, or even the pricking of the thorn but that Allah will expiate his sins on account of his patience.”
Al Bukhari and Muslim

Posted in: Advice & Wisdom, Defeating the Ego, Pain & Tribulations by Hifzin114 /
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My friend and I recently went to an event sponsored by CAIR.  Before we entered the room, a bald Caucasian man stopped my friend and I and told us that he was conducting a federal investigation.  I was a bit startled but I thought it was a census so I relaxed a bit.  I smiled at the FBI agent.  However he did not smile back.  He was serious and even somewhat a bit…nervous?  I began to feel extremely uncomfortable.

He asked me for my full name and address, he asked my friend and I why did we come to this event and how did we hear about it?  Meanwhile he was writing all of this down.   He asked us if we ever went to a halaqah.  At this point he began asking my friend more questions because he saw my hesitancy in answering.  I walked away once I saw that his attention was no longer focused on me.  I waited for me friend.  I felt so humiliated and frustrated that I wanted to go home.  I promised my friend that I would get to the bottom of this.  Once we were in the actual event room I expressed my feelings to one of the sisters in the room.  She looked at me and smiled, “They’re actors.”

UNBELIEVABLE .  It was all a part of the event, to keep us aware of this reality and how we should and should not respond.  This was powerful and unforgettable.

Here are some things I learned:

Always ask to see a badge of identification from an FBI agent.

Never open the door and allow them to come into your home.  Just open the door wide enough to step outside your home and speak to them politely outside.  Tell them that you want to cooperate and keep your country safe.  However you will not speak with them until your lawyer is present and that you are willing to set up an appointment for that.

The anti-Semitic literature of the 1920s are very similar to the literature of the far right today.

Gallup poll: Only 7% of all the FBI-documented acts of terror were committed by Muslims…what about the other 93%?

The fifth amendment was created to protect the innocent man who may be ensnared by ambiguous means.

Posted in: Advice & Wisdom, General, Pain & Tribulations by Hifzin114 /
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This is a huge topic that I could write about.  But I just wanted to post this passage  and reflect on it quickly.  It was written by a Muslim in jail…and he is being thankful for the blessings that he has been given there.  He then expresses his new-filled value of the blessings people encounter on a daily basis outside of jail:

“Despite the fact that this is a maximum security facility and the restrictions are at times cumbersome, I really do not have much I can complain about. I have a place to sleep, three meals a day, and I can pray whenever I want in peace. I can think of millions of people around the world who cannot claim the same luxuries. On top of that, one sometimes needs a place like this to achieve clarity of mind. So, as the cliché goes, this has been a blessing in disguise in that I’ve been able to benefit from various aspects of incarceration that would ordinarily seem undesirable. I can only think of the countless imprisoned Muslims in the jails of tyrants around the globe and hope that if it is not Allah’s Decree to free them in the near future, that they taste the sweetness that Allah has placed them in prison to taste… May Allah free our sisters sooner than all…

I would like to end this letter by reminding all who read it to realize what you have been blessed with before it is taken from you: the warm hug of a loved one, the company of righteous people, the ability to see the sun and moon, a breath of fresh air, praying in a mosque, hearing the Qur’an recited, reading a good book of your choosing, taking a shower with clean water whenever you feel like, even something as simple as being able to open a door and walk out of a room! If there is one lesson that everybody can learn in here – be they Muslim or kafir – that is to take the initiative to appreciate the value of the luxuries you are blessed with before they are taken from under your nose. We hear this in every khutbah but one unfortunately cannot truly appreciate this advice until all these delights of life are out of reach, in actuality. (I highly suggest Cummings’ ‘The Enormous Room‘ in this regard, if you can find a copy, where he describes, in candid detail, life in a French prison camp stripped of all the material possessions that were once within easy grasp.) Indeed, prison only makes the Muslim stronger…”

I have often thought about this.  This idea of experiencing loss (or pain)  in order to understand value (and pleasure) is also a rampant theme in books such as “The Giver” and “Brave New World”.  Rumi, Ibn Ata’illah, and scores of other scholars have written at length about this.  This is why Rumi values pain…and mentions that the epitome of pain is the realization of your separation from God.  Pain is essentially a blessing from God.  However, once you are enduring it, it is definitely NOT the funnest thing in the world.  I had psychosomatic pain for a week–which is a physical pain that manifests from a psychological stress–and now I treasure and value every moment in which I am not experiencing that pain!  I remember during that week that I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t simply think or reason the pain away.  However once the issue was resolved…the pain left.  I can relate to the Muslim in jail above when he said that he values the warmth of a hug…or even the ability to open and leave a room.  Although I can’t relate to those exact blessings, I can relate to his feeling of valueing something that you once had overlooked…such as happiness and peace of mind. :)

Posted in: General, Pain & Tribulations by Hifzin114 /
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It is amazing what can happen in 2 months…which is how long it took me to update this blog.  I have encountered a depression that I have never fathomed before: Post Graduate Depression Syndrome. While dealing with this (and still am), I can only sit and lament at the fact that so many people take advantage of school.  The essential worries an undergraduate student has to think of is the next upcoming exam to study for, what to eat for lunch, and whether you will talk to your professor tomorrow or next week.  Everything is planned out for you…you just pick your classes and follow the syllabus.  My version of paradise is one in which there is a never-ending school.  I wish I could stay in school and major in everything: sociology, anthropology, economics, philosophy…I’d even try art.

The real world is filled with so much uncertainty.

Anyway, to place my title into the spotlight for the moment: I took my friend’s advice and applied for a job with developmentally disabled children.  It’s just a temporary job and I am doing it to witness the “growing and learning experience” that my friend continually rants and raves about.  The disorders these children have include cerebral palsy, autism, mental retardation, epilepsy, and other neurological disorders. I work with girls ages 6-24.

This experience really has proven to be an extraordinary one because these children all seem to have bipolar disorder.  One moment they are holding your hand, smiling, and showing extreme love.  The next moment they are on the floor tantrumming and refusing to participate in any activities.  I often wonder what is within these children that manifests something of God.  Everything in creation is a sign and manifestation of the attributes of God.  Thus…what kinds of signs do these children convey?

I have some thoughts. First, they should make “normal” people appreciate their faculties of mental awareness and speech.  Second, they have trouble with simple tasks such as brushing one’s teeth…this may symbolize that at the end of the day humans are all the same: bodies of flesh and clay that depend on simple, mundane processes in order to function in society properly.

I have a beautiful memory that cannot leave my mind.  Today I hugged a girl before she was about to sleep.  She gave me a kiss on the cheek.  I do not want to or intend to fall for her simple gesture.  Just previous to her calm and loving demeanor she was screaming and throwing her sheets, pillows, and comforters at her counselors.  But after the trantrumming ceased…she became affectionate again.  After looking at her lying helpless in bed..and reflecting on her dependency on counselors for direction in all matters of life during the day…one can’t help but have love and compassion.  She is really beautiful.  And I don’t mean exterior beauty.

Then it hit me.

Human beings tantrum all the time.  We sin extensively throughout our lives and even present a horrible attitude to our Creator.  Yet our Creator probably looks at us, knows our complete helplessness and dependency on Him for all matters in life, and has deep compassion.  The same girl who kissed me has erratic trantrums throughout the day.  She hates to take a shower…we shower her while she is yelling “no” anyway.  She hates to leave the lounge to participate in productive activities.  We wait patiently until she is done crying before we sometimes have to redirect her out of the room.  To her we may seem evil but we are doing it for her own growth.  The goal of my job’s organization is to promote the Independence, Inclusion, and Productivity of the developmentally disabled.  Allah probably aims the same for us.  We may cry and tantrum but God is still there to show compassion.

Posted in: Advice & Wisdom, General, Pain & Tribulations by Hifzin114 /
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Someone said to me lately, “If you are serious about Sufism, the world is perfect the way it is.  It’s a mirror.  It’s only your own imperfection you are seeing.”

I was complaining, and my friend said that complaints are only a result of my weaknesses and misjudgment of God’s wisdom.

Someone also said, “What is Tasawwuf?  Finding happiness in the heart upon the arrival of grief.”  Every sorrow and difficulty that one undergoes in the dunya is a window into a future happiness in Paradise, God-willing.  The difficulty may also be a part of a training process Allah wants us to pass.  This way we become stronger in our character and faith.

Tasawwuf is the most difficult science in Islam.  The most difficult, but the most rewarding. :)

Posted in: Advice & Wisdom, Defeating the Ego, Pain & Tribulations by Hifzin114 /
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This is one of the most beautiful Qasidas I learned at the Rihla.  It is a poem that was written by Imam Al Haddad (May God grant him peace in his grave and honor him with Paradise).

Chorus:

*My Lord’s knowledge has sufficed me
from asking or choosing
Qad Kafaani ‘Ilmu Rabbi
Min su Alee Wakhtiyaari

For my du’a and my agonising supplication
is a witness to my poverty.
Faa do ‘aa ii Wabtihali
Shaahidun li Bif ti Qaa ri*

End Chorus

For this secret (reason) I make supplication
in times of ease and times of difficulty
Faa li hatha sirri ad ‘uu
Fii Ya saa rii wa ‘a saa rii

I am a slave whose pride
is in his poverty and obligation.
Ana abdun Saa ra Fakhri
Dim na Faq ree Wad tiraarii

*Chorus*

O my Lord and my King
You know my state.
Ya Ilahi Wa maliki
Anta Ta’lam Kayfa Halii

And what has settled in my heart
of agonies and preoccupations.
Wa bi maa qad Hala Qal bee
Min hu moo mi washtighalee

Save me with a gentleness
from You, O Lord of Lords.
Fata da Rak nee bi lutfin
Min ka yaa Mow lal Ma wa lii

Oh save me, Most Generous
before I run out of patience (with myself)
Ya kareem mal waj hi ghith nee
Qab la a-Yaf Nas ti baa ree

*Chorus*

O One who is swift in sending aid
I ask for aid that will arrive to me swiftly
Ya Saree ‘al Ghowthi Ghowtha
Min Ka Yud rik Ni suree a

It will defeat all difficulty
and it will bring all that I hope for
Yah Zimul Usrawa Ya ti
Bilathi narjuu Jamee ‘aa

O Near One Who answers
and All-Knowing and All-Hearing
Ya Qareeban Ya Mujeeban
Ya ‘Aleeman Ya Samee’an

I have attained realization through my incapacity,
my submission and my brokenness
Qad Tahaqaq Tuu be aj zee
Wa Khudoo ‘ii Wan kisaaree

I am still standing by the door, so please my Lord
have mercy on my standing.
Lam Azal bil Babi wa Qif
Far Haman Rabbi Wu kuufi

And in the valley of generosity, I am in i’tikaf (solitary retreat)
So, Allah, make my retreat here permanent.
Wa bi waadil Fadli ‘Aa Qif
Fa a dim Rabbi U koofi

And I’m abiding by good opinion (of You)
For it is my friend and ally.
Wali husnil Zanee lazim
Wa huwa khilee wa haleefi

And it is the one that sits by me and keeps me company
All day and night.
Wa aneesi wa jaleesi
Toola layli wanahaari

*Chorus*

There is a need in my soul, O Allah
so please fulfil it, O Best of Fulfillers
Haajatan fin Nafsi Ya Rabb
Faq di Hayaa Khayra Qaadi

And comfort my secret and my heart
from its burning and its shrapnel
Wa ahrih sir Ree wa Qalbi
Min Laza Ha Wa shuwazi

In pleasure and in happiness
and as long as You are pleased with me
Fi surooriw Wa hubooriw
Wa itha ma kuntu Raadii

For joy and expansion is my state
and my motto and my cover.
Fal hanna wal Bas ti haali
Wa shi ‘aaree Wa di thaaree

*Chorus*

My Lord’s knowledge has sufficed me
from asking or choosing
Qad Kafaani ‘Ilmu Rabbi
Min su Alee Wakhtiyaari

Posted in: Pain & Tribulations, Poetry by Hifzin114 / Tags: Imam Al Haddad

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“The tree that never had to fight
For sun and sky and air and light,
That stood out in the open plain
And always got its share of rain,
Never became a forest king,
But lived and died a scrubby thing…
Good timber does not grow in ease.
The stronger wind, the tougher trees…”

–Douglas Mallock

Hardship is a means of salvation on the Day of Judgement, InshAllah.  It may not seem like it at first, but tribulations makes you stronger.

Another thing I learned: this world is really not worth it.
Just aim to get into Jannah (Paradise)…once you are there…that’s where the party begins. Think of this world as the 9-5 job shift, and death the release from the job at 5 PM. The barzakh is the time it takes for you to get home…and finally your home is your eternal destination (hopefully in Paradise).
SubhanAllah.

InshAllah we will all one day be able to say, “Ah! There is nothing like home! Home sweet home!”

Posted in: Pain & Tribulations, Poetry by Hifzin114 /
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My good friend Jafrin sent this to me and I had to post it:

“The soul is a temptress and loves to look at beautiful forms and the eye is the guide of the heart. The heart commissions its guide to go and look to see what is there and when the eye informs it of a beautiful image it shudders out of love and desire for it. Frequently such inter-relations tire and wear down both the heart and the eye as it is said:

When you sent your eye as a guide for your heart one day, the object of sight fatigued you for you saw one over whom you had no power neither a portion or in totality, instead you had to be patient.”

~ Imam Ibn ul Qayyim al Jawziyyah, rahimullah (May God’s Mercy be upon him)

Posted in: Advice & Wisdom, Love, Pain & Tribulations by Hifzin114 / Tags: heart, soul

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This is the most painful battle on earth.  It seems that no matter how hard I try to reason with my heart, to tell it to stop hurting and worrying over trivial matters…it continues to resonate with pain.  I basically walk around with a random pain in my chest.  My mind is perfectly fine and I can study, but then the pain in my chest is so bothersome that I lose focus easily.  I must have some sort of spiritual disease.  Yesterday I even took a tylenol tablet, but the cause of my pain is not a medical/bodily one, its an emotional one.  I’ve had this pain once before.

My mom sent me this beautiful article on Dhikr by Shaykh Yasir Qadhi–I really liked it:

http://muslimmatters.org/2009/06/12/yasir-qadhi-khutbah-transcript-blessings-of-dhikr/

I liked the passage, “a sign of true life, a sign of spiritual life, a sign of real life is that you need the Giver of life.”

Shaykh Yasir said that dhikr will protect you from your own desires.

He also said that ‘hisnul haseen’ means protective fortress..who would have thought?  If you know me, you will understand why I get a kick out of this phrase. :)

There was one part where he said it is better to perform dhikr that the Prophet (pbuh) himself did on a daily basis, rather than the dhikr of someone else (such as a Wird).  I think it’s important to mention, that most Wirds (if not all), contain Dhikr that comes straight from the Quran and Sunnah.  For example, the Wird of Imam Al Haddad contains Dhikr from the Quran and ahadeeth*.   It was just compiled in a certain order that Imam Al Haddad wanted his students to learn and recite them in.

*ahadeeth-plural of hadith

Posted in: Pain & Tribulations by Hifzin114 / Tags: heart, Imam Al Haddad, Shaykh Yasir Qadhi

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I had an epiphany today and I only have a few minutes to post, so I shall be quick:

When we love somebody, sometimes we test that person with difficult situations to see how much they actually love us. Like a girl might say, “What if I had leukemia/cancer, would you still love me then?” Sometimes the girl might pretend to be going through a predicament (or might actually share a real one) just to see if the guy is caring enough to help her through it.  If the girl wants to join Doctors without Borders or pursue an outrageous ambition, and the guy refuses to compromise on that basis (and the ambition is halal), obviously he doesn’t love her enough to allow her the time and space to do what means so much to her.  Maybe the girl will display her weaknesses, to see if the guy is willing to overlook them.  And what if the girl got into a car accident, lost her ability to walk, and has to use a wheelchair permanently…would the guy still love her then?  What if the girl’s father is unbearably impatient and will not allow the guy to marry his daughter until he has a stable career and house?  Will the guy be willing to wait?  This works vice versa in the perspective of the guy, as well.

Parents test their children, teachers test their students, and married couples test each other throughout marriage.

So what does this mean?  I realized that God does the same to us!  He sends tribulations and trials to test our love for Him and how much we are willing to sacrafice for His sake.  If we give up on God and faith, it’s like the guy who gives up on the girl because she has an impatient father…he is not willing to wait and be patient for good later.

Each person has their own struggle, their own tribulation.  Some are longer than others, some last years, some last seconds.  Some fall into the trap that God is angry with us, or doesn’t care, or is being unmerciful.  Yet we forget that God is sending us these trials out of His LOVE for us, and His willingness to test how well we return love back to Him.

Few minutes is up.  Back to work.  I pray Allah shortens our tribulations and lengthens our pleasures. :)

On another note, my friend Jafrin told me something really interesting.  Imam Abu Hanifa had a student…Abu Yusuf…who used to pray Asr (mid prayer of the day) during the earlier time period…the same earlier time that the followers of Imam Shafi pray in…interesting, eh?

Posted in: Advice & Wisdom, General, Love, Pain & Tribulations by Hifzin114 / Tags: Love for Allah

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