Eye of the Soulstorm

Today something rare and fortunate happened. There is a lady at my workplace who NEVER smiles. I always smile at her, but she never returns it. I just ignore it, and keep up my usual routine of smiling at all strangers. I can’t help it, sometimes I feel like a smile is glued to my face.

Today I didn’t bring my ID with me, and I forgot that I needed it to enter the bathroom. So when I tried to open the door and realized it was locked, I turned around and lo and behold!..the same lady who never smiles (or speaks to me) was smiling and waving her ID card. I was a bit shocked but was happy nevertheless.

I was so bewildered by this occurence that I had to post it. My blog is becoming more and more personal as time progresses. InshAllah I will return to posting my usual reflections.

Fi-Amanillah

Posted in: General by Hifzin114 /
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I had an epiphany today and I only have a few minutes to post, so I shall be quick:

When we love somebody, sometimes we test that person with difficult situations to see how much they actually love us. Like a girl might say, “What if I had leukemia/cancer, would you still love me then?” Sometimes the girl might pretend to be going through a predicament (or might actually share a real one) just to see if the guy is caring enough to help her through it.  If the girl wants to join Doctors without Borders or pursue an outrageous ambition, and the guy refuses to compromise on that basis (and the ambition is halal), obviously he doesn’t love her enough to allow her the time and space to do what means so much to her.  Maybe the girl will display her weaknesses, to see if the guy is willing to overlook them.  And what if the girl got into a car accident, lost her ability to walk, and has to use a wheelchair permanently…would the guy still love her then?  What if the girl’s father is unbearably impatient and will not allow the guy to marry his daughter until he has a stable career and house?  Will the guy be willing to wait?  This works vice versa in the perspective of the guy, as well.

Parents test their children, teachers test their students, and married couples test each other throughout marriage.

So what does this mean?  I realized that God does the same to us!  He sends tribulations and trials to test our love for Him and how much we are willing to sacrafice for His sake.  If we give up on God and faith, it’s like the guy who gives up on the girl because she has an impatient father…he is not willing to wait and be patient for good later.

Each person has their own struggle, their own tribulation.  Some are longer than others, some last years, some last seconds.  Some fall into the trap that God is angry with us, or doesn’t care, or is being unmerciful.  Yet we forget that God is sending us these trials out of His LOVE for us, and His willingness to test how well we return love back to Him.

Few minutes is up.  Back to work.  I pray Allah shortens our tribulations and lengthens our pleasures. :)

On another note, my friend Jafrin told me something really interesting.  Imam Abu Hanifa had a student…Abu Yusuf…who used to pray Asr (mid prayer of the day) during the earlier time period…the same earlier time that the followers of Imam Shafi pray in…interesting, eh?

Posted in: Advice & Wisdom, General, Love, Pain & Tribulations by Hifzin114 / Tags: Love for Allah

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Sometimes you have the most unusual days, and then by the end, you think WOW.  My life really is a drama show.  God has the most interesting characters and events for us to meet.

One day towards the end of the fall semester, I had one of the most captivating conversations in my life–with an ex-Jail-convict.  He was really nice and friendly.  He kept going on and on, and I kept nodding and nodding; adding my input here and there.  But I was so intrigued by his charisma and what he said; all the while we were in the 8th floor of the hospital waiting for his wife to finish receiving her epidural so that we could witness her c-section!

Lol, let me explain.  I took a class called Maternal and Fetal Medicine.  Part of the requirement was that we had to observe a live birth and a live c-section.  I had already observed a live birth, so that particular day I woke up extra early to get in time to the Hospital to see if I could catch a c-section.  I arrived just in time.  One was about to happen in about 15-30 minutes.  I changed into a doctor’s scrubs, which we were required to wear.  Before I could enter the surgery room, I had to put on a cap and face mask.  I felt SO COOL.  I felt that I looked like a real surgeon.

Before I entered the room however, I had to get permission from the patient.  She nodded her head in approval.  I left the room to get something and when I came back her husband asked me what my ethnicity was.  I told him that I was born in America, but that my parents were born in Guyana and that we are originally (few generations back) from India.  “Aha!” said the wife.  It was obvious that they were trying to guess at what my ethnicity was when I left the room.  I laughed.  The father started to chat away.  He talked about his background (he is multi-racial).  They were so excited to have another baby that they were taking pictures.  They even took a picture of me, lol.

The interesting part happened when his wife left the room.  It was just me and the dad.  I felt a bit uncomfortable, but he was overjoyed to have someone to speak with.  He started by saying how good it is that I have the chance to go to medical school (he thought I was going) while others do not.  He told me about his lifestyle as he grew up in the “ghettos” of New York City.  He said that he got involved with the wrong crowd, invested some time into drugs, and ended up serving time in jail.  Due to his felony he is not allowed to enter law school or get a good career.  Every time he tries to apply for a job, his felony will always come up, even though he has changed his life around and has a wife (and now three kids!).  He was lamenting…and what felt like he was confiding in me.  He talked on and on, I was totally intrigued throughout.  He told me how jail changed his life…how the people he met there were some of the most brilliant and intelligent men he ever knew.  He said they never got the chance to prove their worth and intelligence, only due to poverty and probably a few misguided choices.  Then he started to tell me about some of the theories his old jailmates discussed as to why America is in a recession.  He discussed immigration, taking advantage of undeveloped nations, using money we don’t have to ransack resources we don’t desperately need.  I was kinda shocked that men in jail would even care to discuss stuff like this.  Then he talked about the career thing, how people in other countries who have felonies come to America with a clean slate..and how it’s not fair that he is an American who has to deal with this felony-scar for the rest of his life.

He started to confide in me as to how minorities make it big and take advantage of American money, and use it to take back home–possibly another reason of the recession.  He told me how certain Hispanic communities will support their own people, and how they will live with as many as 12 people in one house to save money and conserve resources.

He told me about some theories that the men in jail had for making money.  One is the Hispanic community theory.  He told me other stories as well, including examples of certain people who came from countries in Africa and South America.  I was impressed.

Point of this story:  Don’t underestimate the intelligence and vigor of people in the lower class, people in poverty, and people with histories of felonies.  We can learn from anyone, and take advice from anyone.  We should never think that we are superior to anyone and refuse his/her advice.

This reminds me of a story of a learned scholar who was bombarded by a few robbers one day.  They were about to walk away with his books filled with sacred knowledge.  He told them that they could take anything but his books.  One of the robbers said to him, “What use is knowledge hoarded in books if it is not held within the mind?”  The scholar was amazed and thanked Allah for the realization that you can learn from anyone.

The same man whose wife was having a C-section kept smiling at me during the actual surgery and comforted his wife throughout.  When his baby was born he spoke to me second after his wife.  I gave him a thumb’s up and he commented on how his newborn son is going to go to a great school and have a great upbringing.  I smiled.  He ignored the nurses and doctors and told me that, a mere student.  Even the resident student gave me a confused look: ”Why is he so friendly with you?”  It was amusing, and I felt special.

I later told him, “It was great meeting you.”  He wished me good luck with the future.

I remember walking out of the hospital that day in a bewildered state that I had just bonded with an ex-jail convict.  He was a great person, mashAllah.

Posted in: Advice & Wisdom, General by Hifzin114 /
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I was making a list of things that irk me on my “About Me” section on my facebook profile, and the list kept growing and growing!  I figured, might as well make a blog post about it.

The things that I have come across in life that irk me:

The combination of sacred knowledge and bad manners in the same person.  Actually, I learned that this is a form of hypocrisy.

People who make fun of religious people because of their self-invented inferiority complex.  Authentic religious people don’t look down upon anyone, they are too busy glorifying God.  Just because someone wears hijab and prays, doesn’t mean they are “religious”.  Please understand the term first before you label others.

People who blame religion and God for everything instead of themselves.  I’m sorry, but this is selfish and immature.

People who have no desire to help anyone but themselves.

People who relinquish their anger immediately instead of holding it in and cooling down.  If it bothers you that much, talk to the person in a dignified manner about how you feel, thank you.  Please realize that there are two sides to every story, and that people perceive things differently.  People are not inherently evil.

People who refuse to accept apologies, worse: multiple apologies from the same person.

Drama.  It’s not that big of a deal.  Calm down and do some dhikr.  :) God is just, if you are innocent, God will take care of the rest. :)

People who cannot keep secrets and break promises/trusts.

People who talk too much about other people.

Girls who make fun of guys with beards.

Men AND women who believe that it is a woman’s work to be in the kitchen and laundry room.

People who disbelieve in God after saying that they did not get from Him what they prayed for.  (Are you kidding me????  He gives us SO MUCH that we don’t even deserve!)

Arrogance

Apathy

The desire of women to become “trophy wives”.  Please do not belittle femininity.

Male chauvenism.

Women chauvenism.

Children who are ungrateful to parents.

People who ignore other people in the room and focus on one person.  (Although I have come to accept that they sometimes do it unintentionally)

The inflated ego.

People who go to ISNA and ICNA conventions and complain about the organization and what not without actually doing anything to help better the situation.  Shaykh Hamza Yusuf once said, “If you can’t do anything to change it, then don’t complain!”

People who insult the MSA.  OK, so you may have had some issues with some of the members, but do they represent the MSA as a whole?

People who judge a book by its cover.  And this is a metaphor that can be applied to many situations.

People who do not want to marry out of their culture.  I understand that this is a valid preference…but, it hurts me to see parents refuse pious and practicing Muslims to marry their children based on their cultural background.

People who place culture above or even alongside religion.

People who study solely for money and A’s.

Posted in: General by Hifzin114 /
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“You will continue to be healthy as a society as long as you have degrees of excellence, but should you all become the same, you will be destroyed.”
-Prophet Muhammad (pbuh)

 Each one of us is unique, special, differentiated. Each one of us is a reflection of God’s creativity, His power, and His beauty. A person who is extremely generous is a sign pointing to the Generosity of God. After all, Allah blew the ruh (spirit) into us when we were created. This spirit is pure and unadulterated. It is through this spirit that we are compelled to get closer to God and are one with humanity. Through the following of the ruh, one becomes so close to God that He says about His servant, “I become the hearing with which he hears, his sight with which he sees, his hand with which he seizes, and his foot with which he walks.”

 We meet people and we get astounded by their personality traits: humor, beauty, leadership, charisma, serenity, warmth, friendliness. This is a way of Allah presenting to his creations as how HE is…Allah is the infinite source of perfect beauty, warmth, friendliness, charisma, etc..  A person’s beauty, charisma, etc is NOTHING compared to God’s.

 Thus, we must use the talents and blessings God has bestowed upon us and share it with others. If we have charisma, we should sharpen and better our speaking skills, and speak to bring others close to Allah. If we have warmth, we should seek out people who are distrought and help them through their afflictions. If we have an affinity with animals, we should protect animals for the sake of Allah and teach about them to others. In this way we are also teaching them about the creations of God and His Infinite Wisdom.

Voice. This is a talent that is appreciated by many in modern times. There is a reason why everyone does not have a good voice, it is because God wants us to appreciate it more by placing it upon a few. The huge mistake humans fall into is when they think that the beautiful voice comes from them. NOTHING good comes from us; all is a manifestation of God’s power. A good voice is a temporary gift from God that He can take away from us at any moment.

Therefore, if one has a good voice, they should use this talent to bring others to Allah.  They should perfect their Qirat and learn to sing Nasheeds to bring happiness to others and attract others to the deen. And then they should realize that it is not them that is bringing people to the deen, but GOD who is. 

The list of talents is endless: organization, acting, debate, art, music, athletic ability, physical strength, logic, …and on and on forever.  The slippery slope begins when people praise those who have these talents instead of the source.  Just as much as we credit those who have worked tirelessly to perfect their talents, we must praise the Creator of the talent itself.

My advice to you: find your passion and talents…perfect them…improve them.  Then share them with others; utilize your talent to bring others close to Allah, to remind them of their Creator.

May Allah grant us the ability to do this, and may He allow us to perfect the blessings and talents he has already placed within us.  Ameen.

Posted in: Advice & Wisdom, General by Hifzin114 /
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My alarm clock wasn’t working well for a while, so I would to change the settings to allow the radio to wake me up…one morning I woke up to this song, and I was really touched by it. The lyrics are beautiful and apply to a lot of things.

The Reason

I’m not a perfect person
There’s many things I wish I didn’t do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I’ve found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I’m sorry that I hurt you
It’s something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why I need you to hear

I’ve found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You [x4]

I’m not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I’ve found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I’ve found a reason to show
A side of me you didn’t know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

Posted in: General by Hifzin114 /
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God has the best sense of humor.

I continue to be bewildered in life by the FUNNIEST events and stories, alhamdulilah. My friend had the most entertaining story to tell me, and I was totally captivated throughout. Imagine hearing a story from Allah?

If we see something we like in others, we should think, WOW, Allah has this characteristic, but He has it perfectly and infinitely. If we think a friend has a contagious personality and we just enjoy being in their presence, think of the amazing presence we will encounter with Allah. SubhanAllah. And what is a human compared to God?

Posted in: General by Hifzin114 /
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I was bored of studying and started reading this article: http://nawawi.org/downloads/article6.pdf

The following passage made me really happy because of the bold emphasis that science and religion do not clash.

“Conflict between religion and science was virtually unknown In Islamic Intellectual history.  The harmony between the two is epitomized in the life and work of the brilliant ninth century Muslim Chemist Jabir Ibn Hayyan, who repudiated alchemy as a valid science and laid the empirical foundations of chemistry.  His religious devotion earned him the spiritual designation of “the sufi.”  Ibn Hayyan began one of his renowned works on chemistry, The Book of Seventy (Kitab al-Sab’in), with the words: “Certainly the mention of God is more noble, majestic, and great than what follows.”  He opened the book with a lengthy discussion on the imperative of purifying the soul from ostentation and other spiritual defects as a prerequisite to the pursuit of scientific learning.

                Islam produces an array of religious scholars who also excelled in the rational and empirical sciences.  Ibn Rushd (Averroes), the learned Andalusian judge and legal scholar, left an influence on Islamic law that is felt even today.  His commentaries on Aristotle affected the course of European intellectual history.  He composed more than fifty works ranging from his primary fields of law and philosophy to medicine, psychology, zoology, and astronomy.  It is said that his medical opinions were as eagerly awaited in Muslim Spain as his interpretations of the law.  Likewise, Fakhr al-Din al-Razi, a noted Qur’anic commentator, theologian, and legal theorist, mastered the rational and empirical sciences of his age and compiled The Consummation of Ancient and Modern Ideas, in which he summarized the philosophical, theological, and scientific thought of prominent ancient and latter-day thinkers.”

Wow—I really like the line that I bolded.  Imagine…one needs to purify his heart/soul before embarking on scientific study!  It makes so much sense, and it embodies perfect adab (manners)!  I LOVE this.  Wouldn’t it be awesome if we could take a course on Tazkiyyat-un-Nafs (purification of the soul) before we had to take Chemistry and Biology? 

Then people would REALLY be studying for the sake of Allah!

This reminds me…I really need to be studying physics.

 <3 humanity fi-sabeelilah (for the sake of Allah)

Posted in: Defeating the Ego, General by Hifzin114 / Tags: heart, Nafs, science, soul, Tazkiyyah

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This teardrop that falls down my cheek.
Originated from an image.
That filled my vision.
Which sped fast to my heart.
Which went to my mind for a check-up.

Alas! It failed my intellect!
My heart longs for what my mind avoids!
This inner tug-of-war has resulted.
In a heart that aches, a mind that thinks.
And tears that fall.

Then a wise man on the road,
His glasses shimmering in the heat of thought
Said to me with concern on his brow
The burning you feel in your heart…
Target it to God!  To God!
Whatever beauty you see in temporal forms, is within God…
And He is reachable to all!
Ache for what you can have!  Aim for Eternal Meaning!

My heart, dumbfounded and amazed,
Slowly gave in to the wise man.
Yes! She cried, to the mind and to God.

Though the heart promised to change.
The struggle persists.
“It may be that this temporal form
Is a path to God.”

Time is running out, uncertainty prevails.
But in the end, If I lose out on the form.
I can never lose out on finding Him,
Unless death takes me by surprise.

God is my companion
Whether I gain the form or not.
I will never be alone.
The heart smiles.  The mind meditates.
Peace.

If you are unfortunate enough to have come across this post, I apologize for the weirdness. This is what happens during finals week. :)

Posted in: General, Pain & Tribulations, Poetry by Hifzin114 / Tags: heart, intellect

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I love my mom.

You know how they say, a child brings light into a family?

Not in my house.        

My mom is the light of our family, she is happiness during a time of grief, excitement during a time of boredom.  Sometimes I wake up and get excited to just go into the kitchen, watch my mom, and talk.  We can talk for hours, and I will never get bored.  My mom is 50, but she acts like she is my age.  She is bubbly, energetic, and filled with spirit.  It’s funny, because sometimes she can REALLY yell at me, but I let it slip.  If it were from any other person however, I would be hurt for weeks.  But I can’t take my mom’s yells seriously.  I do sometimes, but I get amused most of the time.  One moment we may be upset with each other, but half an hour later, either she or I will apologize, and we will return to normal.  My mom is so young at heart that she has her own facebook profile and cell-phone texts me when I am at school.  One time we had an argument before I left to come to school, and while walking to class she texted me and said sorry.  I was like, SubhanAllah.  I am so blessed to have a mom like the one I do.

I can tell my mom ANYTHING.

She is my sister, my best friend, my confidante, my advisor, and my support base.

It’s funny, because people say that women depend on men for moral support and advice, but in my house, my mom is the source of all comfort.  Everyone depends on her.  I have only seen my mom cry once or twice in my life.  My dad, however, is pretty emotional.  My dad even asks her for permission if he should go to the masjid or to the store!  He does this almost every day!  And this is not because my mom is domineering, this is because my mom is so supportive and nurturing.  Getting her blessing is like, receiving a bouquet of love and appreciation.

Whenever my mom is out of the house for too long, my dad will call her to find out what’s happening.  Yes, he does this for me too, but I think he does it more for my mom.  My dad is retired, thus he gets bored often.  He calls my mom like 2-5 times a day because he is bored.  He doesn’t call me.  He doesn’t call my brother.  He calls my mom.  My mom is the bomb.  You may think that this post is corny, but you have no idea how much love I have for her.  In fact, I am starting to tear at this very moment.  If my mom were to pass away, my house would fall apart within months.  She is the heart of our home.  After God and his Last Prophet (pbuh), I love my mom next.

I know my mom comes to my site once in a while, lol, I can’t imagine how awkward it will be for her to read this.

But mommy, I really love you.
I look forward to seeing you every day.
I appreciate what you do for us, even though I often tell you that you do too much!

You have such a jovial, funny personality.  Sometimes I feel like the serious, boring mom while you are the exciting child.  Lol.

May Allah increase our love and friendship to one another.  May both He and you forgive me for the endless amount of wrongs I have committed against you.  You (mom) embody selflessness, and all I do is take advantage of it.  May God enable me to show more gratitude and appreciation.  May He unite us in Heaven and increase us both in our devotion to Him. Ameen.

Love,

Your daughter.

Posted in: General by Hifzin114 /
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