Category / Friendship

‘Tis shocking, but…I actually like orgo. July 1, 2009 at 10:13 am

This summer I decided to take an organic chemistry class.  EVERYONE complains about this class.  I was weak and conformed to the dominant opinion that orgo is no fun at all.

How wrong was I!

Yes, I actually enjoy my class…a lot.  But one thing is for sure…it is my teachers, my classmates, and the personalization that makes all the difference.  One: my teacher is charismatic, humble, and just awesome.  Two: I made some really great friends.  Three: The smaller class size (100-150) compared to the usual “pre-med” class size at Stony Brook (600-800) offers a close knit group in which people actually desire to help each other out rather than tear each other apart so that they can beat the average and get the A.

I’ve made a friend whose about 30 years old and has a three year old daughter.  I’ve made a friend who goes to Princeton University, another that goes to Binghamton, and another who wants to transfer to my university.  All of them have similar ambitions and drives to me…which is what made me clique well with them.  I actually look forward to going to class to see them.  Each one of them is unique and I have already learned so much about people in general just upon associating with them.  One of them wants to become a PA and work in an underdeveloped nation in Africa.  One wants to apply to pharmacy school, another is not sure but knows that she just wants to help people.  The best job in my opinion is a job where you get to serve others.  Teaching, for example, is probably the most satisfying job that exists.

The point of this post is that there is more to learning than just the subject material itself.  It’s the whole environment…the people you study with…the people you choose to learn from and share ambitions with: the people who learn the material not merely for attaining a good grade and accumulating money, but to actually help others.

Without the friends that I have made, without the friendly and caring personality of my teacher, my experience with organic chemistry would not have been a good one.  It is amazing how individuals can affect your enjoyment of learning.  No wonder people were so quick and willing to accept faith and religion when the Prophets of God (Jesus, Moses, Muhammad, peace be upon them all) lived and walked the earth.  Sometimes you need that sincere environment, and the charismatic and deep personalities that stir peoples’ hearts.  The companions of the Prophets were also charismatic and dedicated people.  Each individual-whether he/she was aware of it or not–nurtured and encouraged those around them to better themselves.  This is one reason amongst many why schools and colleges separate “honors” kids from regular students.  The honors kids will encourage one another to strive more and work harder.   The environment around you can make you and break you.

My orgo teacher is great.  He can keep me awake (and alert) for two and a half hours straight.  (This is how long the lectures are).  I seriously think that I am going to send a thank you e-mail to my professor when the semester is over.  May Allah continue to increase his teaching skills and affect all the students who learn from him.  Ameen.

Posted in: Advice & Wisdom, Friendship by Hifzin114 /
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Independence from Others. Tawakkal (Trust) in God March 22, 2009 at 3:14 pm

A friend once quoted to me a gem from a scholar: “Get used to loneliness, because afflictions arise with people.”

Sometimes people hurt you.  Sometimes the pain is inconceivable.  Once I had an emotional pain that turned into a physical pain; it was so strange.  I was ready to move on, forgive and forget, but something in me did not want to let the pain go.  It’s truly strange.  Your mind is ready to move on, but the pain in your heart remains.  Your mind tries to reason with your heart, but the heart refuses to listen.

In reality, this pain is a blessing from Allah.  He wants us to cry out to Him for help; He wants to drive us away from people and towards Himself.

Once when I was going through a rough situation, I wrote this journal entry:

“Trust should only be placed on Allah.  Never leave your home hoping to find salvage and peace with others, the irony is that you are leaving the very place that can unite you with your Lord—the privacy of your own bedroom.  Need someone to cry to?  Wake up in the last third of the night and cry to Allah.  Need someone to consult with, talk to, vent to, sing to (I’m not joking), show love to?  Wake up and express yourself to Allah.  Allah is the origin of all beauty and pleasure.  Is there something in your best friend that you just can’t fathom and enjoy being in their company because of this “special” quality?  Guess what, Allah has this quality…and even more!  He has this quality infinitely.  The BEST thing about consulting and revealing your secrets to Allah is that he is the BEST secret keeper.  Humans are imperfect when it comes to keeping secrets and amanas (trusts).”

One of the greatest lessons I learned is to place full trust in God.  Sometimes we get excited, and immediately want to relay things to others.  But we should control our excitement, and immediately want to relay things to Allah.  We should cry out to Allah when we want to rid our chest of worries.  We should seek out Allah when we need advice.  And if we really need the advice of others, we should clearly dictate our intentions: to God, to ourselves, and to the advisor.

My mom told me once that it is not good to have an ultimate *best* friend, because if there is any conflict, the pain will be harder to overcome.  In Islam we must have moderation.  We should not rely on others excessively for companionship and ease, but neither should we cast people off.  Our most enjoyable companionship and ease should be with God.  If we find it with others, we should never let it overpower our relationship with God, nor should we fail to realize that the joy we find with others is a manifestation of the Ultimate Joy we seek in God.

If one lacks depth in his/her relationship with God, than he/she will seek it out in others.  Dependence on others is an indication of one’s station with God.

A good hadith that is relevant to the topic:

It was narrated that Anas [May God preserve him] said that the Prophet [pbuh] said:

Whoever is mainly concerned about the Hereafter, Allah will make him feel independent of others and will make him focused and content, and his worldly affairs will fall into place.  But whoever is mainly concerned with this world, Allah will make him feel in constant need of others and will make him distracted and unfocused, and he will get nothing of this world except what is decreed for him.  (narrated by al-Tirmidhi, Hadith No. 2389)

(Source: al-Fawaa’ id, page 159)

And beautiful poetry from Ibn Ata’illah:

“He only made afflictions come at the hands of people
so that you not respond to them.
He wants to drive you out from everything
so that nothing would divert you from Him.”

“Appeal to no one but Him to relieve you of a pressing need
that He himself has brought upon you.
For how can someone else remove what He has imposed?
And how can he who is unable to free himself of a pressing need
free someone else of one?”

“When He alienates you from His creatures,
then know that He wants
to open for you the door of intimacy with Himself.”

(Source: Ibn Ata’illah’s Al Hikam [Book of Wisdoms])

Posted in: Advice & Wisdom, Friendship, Pain & Tribulations by Hifzin114 / Tags: , ,

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Sisterly Bond February 18, 2009 at 8:34 pm

I wrote this poem during the senior year of high school and wrote it in the yearbook of one of my friends. When I became a freshman at SBU, I changed the words around and directed it towards any general Muslim sister. My high school friend actually wasn’t Muslim, but she had one of the best–and still does–characters I have ever met.  May God grant us all beautiful characters, ameen.  Every morning in 12th grade when I walked into class, she would be smiling ear to ear just to see me.  I’ll never forget it. OK, end of nostalgia.

She saw me come and she smiled
And gave me hearty welcome,
An honest move, I’m not beguiled
This girl is surely something

She never once showed anger
She always kept it tucked inside
When I entered bitterly to her
My heart softened by her side

She’d listen to my hardships,
And with one wave of her hand
They fell between my fingertips
And vanished like the sand

And every day, the same warmth she has
Refuses to run out
Her friendliness never wears
And she never once did shout

So listen well my Muslim sister
Show warmth and self-control
Make sure true beauty doesn’t whither
And make this need no patrol

Posted in: Friendship, Poetry by Hifzin114 / Tags:

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Power of a Mentor February 4, 2009 at 8:35 pm

There is nothing like the experience of sitting at the knees of a learned person.*halaqah: literally means circle, but in this context it implies a group of people sitting together in order to gain knowledge.

There is no bond as spiritually satisfying as the bond between student and teacher.

Which teachers do you remember the most in life?  Whether it is religious school, public school, or college… we remember the teachers we bonded with the most, the teachers who astounded us with their knowledge, the teachers who we got the chance to share a reciprocation of interests.

Many people go to Islamic conferences, one day Islamic events, or a 1-2 hours lecture only to find themselves returning to their normal selves and mundane routines after a few days have passed.  How can we maintain this ’Iman (faith) rush’?  Sure, you can start a halaqah*, sure, you can listen to online and CD lectures every day in your spare time.  But to have a personal, qualified mentor is a whole other experience by itself.

A mentor is more than a teacher:  he/she is your guide, counselor, friend, confidante, advisor…the list goes on.  Your mentor understands your personality; you can joke around with him/her, eat with him/her, spend time sitting together in silence, and during times of fun.  All the while you are gaining from him: from his silence you gain from him, from his eating habits you gain from him, from his worldly speech you gain from him, and from his religious speech you gain from him.  Shaykh Zulfiqar once wrote (paraphrased by me) that piety moves around in the room like the breeze does in the environment.  Just sitting amongst the righteous is enough to soften your heart.

Alhamdulilah I had such a mentor when I was in high school.  Without her I would not be the person that I am today.  Although I did not wear hijab in high school, there are times when I wonder about how strong my iman was in high school compared to my current state in university (I cover now).  Hijab is just one amongst many tangible items that are fard (mandatory) but do not automatically bring us closer to Allah.  A person can wear anything on the outside to proclaim his/her solidarity with the Muslims, but only God knows what is in a person’s heart.  There is an infinite list of intangible items, however, that are FARD but people do not emphasize because it is not visible: hayah (modesty, shyness, humility), taqwa, god-fearingness, etc.  Just because one covers her hair does not automatically place her above those who don’t.  People overemphasize outer hijab and de-emphasize the hijab within.

Anyway, back to my reflection on my mentor.

Her name started with the letter “F”.  She has left many profound and beautiful memories with me that I will never forget.  Whenever anyone brings up her name in my mosque, all those who knew her will pause to reflect.  They remember how much she invigorated the sisters and the youth of my masjid to return back on the path of God.

She used to hold halaqahs Friday nights at my mosque for about 3 years.  I was in high school.  However she knew me since I was in elementary school because she was my teacher and one of my mom’s best friends. She saw me grow from a child at age 10 into a young woman at age 18.  She knew my personality, my likes, and my dislikes.  Her beautiful lectures would often bring tears to the listeners and there was not a Friday that passed when my heart was not stirred due to her speech.

Her presence is greatly missed.  Since she has left, my mosque is clearly missing a beautiful light-giving lamp.  It’s not the same anymore.  I feel a bit empty…and alone when I visit the mosque.  When I used to see her, my whole demeaner would change.  I would become happy and pleased.  I felt refreshed after just sitting next to her.  She spoke so beautifully and with sincerity.  Sometimes she would pause; sometimes a tear would fall down her cheek.

Right now she is living in the Middle East, and I haven’t been doing a good job of keeping in touch.  InshAllah I will change that.

Of course there are many other scholars who have had an impact on my life.  But there is nothing like having a personal teacher…one to whom you can share your innermost thoughts…one who knows your personality…one who you can reach out and touch and give a hug of appreciation.  (Yes, sisters do get jealous when brothers get to bond with male scholars).

This is why people desire to have religious teachers.  Every article of speech that comes out of their mouths is a like a diamond of wisdom that only foolish people will cast aside.  This is one reason people pledge to become students of a certain Shaykh (learned elder and scholar); they hope to embody the knowledge and sincerity of the shaykh.  These shaykhs have chains of Ijazas (permissions to teach) in the areas of fiqh (law), Iman, and Ihsan (doing what is beautiful; perfection) from teacher to teacher leading back to the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh).  The Prophet himself (pbuh) was the first and best teacher.

May Allah grant a mentor to all those who seek one.  May Allah grant them a mentor who will guide them on the correct path…the path that leads to the perfect emulation of the knowledge and sincerity of the best of all Shaykhs–the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh).  Ameen.

 

Posted in: Advice & Wisdom, Friendship by Hifzin114 / Tags:

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