The Most Harmful Thing

These days I have been listening to a series of lectures based on the topic of how to become an excellent teacher of Quran. Surprisingly I have learned things which I had not even expected. For example, the concept that external problems or hurdles are not the real obstacle in the way of success… Rather it is our sins which have the most damaging effect on our lives. This reminded me of the countless times I have told others that I could not do such and such thing or could not complete the target I had in mind because of this problem or that hurdle… sometimes blaming people, other times crying over health problems… always a string of excuses which are nothing more than that… excuses! Because If I had truly wanted to do something and sincerely asked Allah, then why would he not let me do things which I want to do only for his sake? Surely there must be something wrong inside my own self?

I remember a few years ago I had gone to visit my parents. The next morning there was no water in the taps… very strange!!! Because the night before they had got the water tank refilled… so where did those gallons of water disappear? Plumbers were called and they began digging to find the leakage… the whole house was in an uproar, with people coming in and out… nothing else could be done because everything depends on water. Finally the broken pipe was discovered and repaired, the tank was filled again and life restored back to normal.

But when the same story happens with our tank of faith and knowledge; it never becomes an issue of concern. We fill our hearts and minds with the knowledge of Quran and Hadith… but the next day when we face any situation and open the tap, nothing comes out… no patience, no gratitude, no kindness with others… where did all the knowledge go? No body is worried… no one tries to find the leakage of the heart…

But we must realize that just as life stops if there is no water, similarly the soul dies if there is no faith… our very survival depends on it… so if the knowledge is not coming out in deeds then it means that there is some serious leakage problem. For me it remained a mystery for many years but Alhamdulillah I just found out that every sin for which we do not feel guilty nor do taubah nor correct it… then it creates a crack in our heart from where faith keeps dripping out and we don’t even realize it. So whenever we feel lack of motivation, lack of energy, then immediately we should pray to Allah to show us where we went wrong and then honestly and sincerely ask Allah for forgiveness. So as to mend the crack and ensure that our tank of faith remains full.

May Allah protect us from our self conceit and give us insight with which we might realize our mistakes and correct our ways. Because no one else can do it for us. Each one of us has to be responsible for his own life.

By: Shaheen Ahmad

Wassalam,
Al Huda Institute, Canada

The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) was the most beloved creature on the face of the earth and in the history of mankind to God, yet he was also tried with the most calamities and tribulations.  Whenever he got sick, his illness would be 3X as worse than that of a regular person (mentioned in a hadith).  Tribulations are meant to make us strong individuals, purify us of our sins, and make us strong Warriors in the way of Allah.  This warrior is not meant in the narrow-minded way of fighting on the field.  It is the warrior of the soul, the capacity to have great morality, great generosity, great manners, and great character towards others.  A true warrior of God never looses control over his emotions, he never allows his anger to take hold of him.  He never allows his miserliness to prevent him from giving to others.  How do we reach this level?  Certainly not by being pampered and being treated like a prince/princess for the rest of our life.

Thus, tribulations given to us from Allah are also a mercy from him.  It is better to undergo tribulations on earth, rather than to endure tribulations in Jahannam (hellfire).  The Prophet (pbuh) had the toughest life on earth but he also had the highest place in Paradise.  Our response to Allah’s tribulations is what determines our place and worth in Paradise.

Abu Huraira reported that the Prophet (pbuh) said:
“Never a believer is stricken with a discomfort, an illness, an anxiety, a grief or mental worry, or even the pricking of the thorn but that Allah will expiate his sins on account of his patience.”
Al Bukhari and Muslim

Muhammad (pbuh) said: “If somebody reproaches you and makes you feel ashamed of any of your defects, do not make him feel ashamed of any of his defects.” [Abu Dawood]

Usually, when somebody points out one of our shortcomings, we immediately become defensive and start finding faults with him/her. But the advice of our beloved Prophet (pbuh), is that we should listen quietly and evaluate what we are being told. If there is something we can improve about ourselves, it is only to our own advantage to do so. If the criticism is unjustified, then we are rewarded for our patience and good behavior in not retaliating. The angels will take care of defending our honor. Starting a counter attack opens the door for Satan to come in and take over.

Once Abu Bakr Siddiq (RA) was sitting with the Prophet (pbuh) when a man came and started to abuse Abu Bakr.Abu Bakr remained silent. Finally, he started to speak in his defense. At this point the Prophet (pbuh) got up and left.  Abu Bakr immediately went after him and inquired if he had done something wrong.  The Prophet (pbuh) replied that as long as he had been silent, angels had been speaking on his behalf, but when he started to respond, the devil came and sat down next to him. As the Prophet (pbuh) could not remain seated where the devil was sitting, he left.

The ego is the most cumbersome thing to carry around, but just as difficult to cast out of your life.

I now realize why many scholars of the past detested praise.  Praise is like tobacco…the more you smoke, the more you become addicted.  Sometimes people need praise and glory in order to sustain themselves.

And even if one casts aside all forms of glorification, he/she may reach a point where they feel a sense of complete worthlessness…and this leads to depression and possibly even a lack of motivation to accomplish things.  Someone told me that even feelings of worthlessness is a sign of the ego…because true selflessness is when a person is not concerned with his/her own welfare, but the pleasure of God and the welfare of others.

I have been thinking a lot lately as you have noticed…I really wish I could be like Thoreau and Imam Ghazzali and cast aside the world as I meditate deep in the wilderness.  Of course the real sufi is the one who is in the world and possesses the heart of detachment from it.  But I have come to a point where I am disgusted with the world and my ego and would like to resolve it through isolation.

The world is overwhelming, competitive, naive, and at times insensitive.  I am speaking about people in the world as well as the concept of the world itself.  Many people are so parochial in their views and I once was extremely just as narrow-minded.  In fact, I am still narrow-minded.  The whole process of living is to gradually enlighten and broaden your views as you grow older.  People are so different and have to realize that there really is no such thing as superiority or inferiority with outward classifications…such as career, marital status, children status, wealth, beauty, personality.  The only classification of worth is dependent on the heart of a human being…the sincerity, the love, and the contentment found within it.  And this can only be determined by God.  How do I know what lies in the hearts of others?  Yet I am tired of people praising others based on what they are doing for the world and what kind of career they have.  Don’t you think that the janitor that cleans your toilet after you have used it has ambitions as well?!?  Maybe they couldn’t afford or weren’t able to receive the same type of education you have.  But I swear, the heart of the janitor could be so pure and overflowing with sincerity that he is valued in the eyes of God FAR above the medical professional who flies from country to country healing the sick.  God only knows.

May God allow us (especially myself) to live without the taint of our ego affecting our livelihood.  Ameen.

The more I study Buddhism, the stronger I become in my own faith.

Islam believes that there were 124,000 messengers of God who came to bring His message.  Buddha HAD to be one, inshAllah….

The greatest achievement is selflessness.
The greatest worth is self-mastery.
The greatest quality is seeking to serve others.
The greatest precept is continual awareness.
The greatest medicine is the emptiness of everything.
The greatest action is not conforming with the worlds ways.
The greatest magic is transmuting the passions.
The greatest generosity is non-attachment.
The greatest goodness is a peaceful mind.
The greatest patience is humility.
The greatest effort is not concerned with results.
The greatest meditation is a mind that lets go.
The greatest wisdom is seeing through appearances.

-Atisha (11th century Tibetan Buddhist master)

I was complaining, and my friend said that complaints are only a result of my weaknesses and misjudgment of God’s wisdom.

Someone also said, “What is Tasawwuf?  Finding happiness in the heart upon the arrival of grief.”  Every sorrow and difficulty that one undergoes in the dunya is a window into a future happiness in Paradise, God-willing.  The difficulty may also be a part of a training process Allah wants us to pass.  This way we become stronger in our character and faith.

Tasawwuf is the most difficult science in Islam.  The most difficult, but the most rewarding. :)

Materialistic people who cannot burst out of their bubbles:  They are driven by the brand-name fashion industry in which they cannot leave and realize that there are much more important matters to be worrying about.  Instead of acquiring a PhD to make a difference, they are bubbling with excitement about the future car they want to buy along with their entire coach collection of purses.  Some of these people complain that they cannot stand it when their parents or scholars of Islam tell them what to do…then why are they allowing a bunch of men who control the fashion industry to influence their minds and tell them what to wear?

The person who is bound to their culture by every thread.  I have no problem with this person unless they begin to demean people of other cultures and criticize others who choose to marry outside of their culture.  Yes.  I have heard (through secondary sources) that people have called my brother a “wannabe Arab” after he married a girl who traces her roots back to Yemen.  There is a line in the Quran where God says that he created people into different tribes and cultures so that we may learn from each other.  What better way for inter-cultural exchange and harmony than to marry people from a different culture?  A partner for marriage (in my opinion) is someone with which you have a harmonious, mutual understanding in the views that mean the most to you.  If I find this harmony in a person of a different culture or race, then by all means I will consider him.  I am also disappointed when people place priority on culture over religion.  The stigmas and ideologies developed by men through a culture can never outweigh the divine sources of religion.

Finally, people who are not willing to accept or even consider religious viewpoints that are different from their own.  I have countless of examples for this, but I will list only a few.  Intelligence to me is something that grows over time.  If one is stuck in a certain ideology, or in an ideology that inherently inhibits growth, then I will begin to feel suffocated.  The Quran is a guidance to all men for eternity.  This means that its guidance will oversee many eras of culture, fashion, governance, music, food etc.  This does not mean that the fashion, food, and culture that existed during the time of the prophet is superior to all others!  What is superior during the Prophet’s time was the Muslims’ character, knowledge, manners, and intimacy with God.  As long as a Muslim is covering the necessary areas of their body with modest clothing, I do not think that their intimacy with God is limited by their failure to wear a black abayah and niqab (face-covering).  The Quran did not come down to turn humanity into robots-it came to guide us into realizing that everything that exists is a proof of God and His oneness-including the culture, fashion, and food that changes throughout time.  I have no problem with niqab, I just have a problem with those who believe that to not wear it is restricting their relationship with God.

Of course this is an extreme example, but this “niqab” is a symbol for ideologies too.  My cousin-in-law told me once that he was criticized for playing basketball because it was a biddah (innovation) and had no place in the Quran and Sunnah.  This is ridiculous and sad at the same time.  One of my favorite scholars said that the reason so many Saudi youth are turning to “western” music is because their own display of musical creativity (Nasheeds, Qasidahs, etc) is being shunned in their land as a biddah, thus they have no means to express it except though foreign music.

Another example of this close-mindedness happened recently after a conference.  The conference had different sessions: one discussing the socio-psychological perspective of Islam, one discussing the political perspective of Islam, another discussing the spiritual perspective of Islam, and another discussing business marketing and how to use it to improve the west’s understanding of Islam.  A lot of my friends went.  At first I heard many criticisms about the atmosphere because it was not gender segregated and did not offer a lot in terms of Islamic knowledge.  Then however, I heard a completely different perspective.  My own cousin and his wife told me how much they enjoyed it, and another one of my good friends said it was amazing.  When I told them about the initial criticisms, they were shocked and said that the quality and comprehensiveness of the conference outweighed the fact that it was gender-mixed.  In fact, men and women sat in clusters so it was not completely mixed.  Conclusion: do not let a petty discomfort prevent you from benefiting from something larger and substantial.

These are three main qualities that I have difficulty coming to terms with.  However one of my friends told me that you should NEVER hold antipathy towards a person who says something hurtful.  What you should hold antipathy towards is the statement that was made.  This is beautiful.

At the end of the day, everyone is raised differently and has different experiences that make them who they are.  Maybe I need to learn to open my mind, too.

“My slave does not draw near to Me with anything I love more than what I have made obligatory on him. And my slave continues to draw near to Me with superogatory actions until I love him. When I love him, I become his hearing with which he hears, his seeing with which he sees, his hand with which he strikes, and his foot with which he walks.”

A person who is in union with God forgets about his own self-existence.  He thinks about God in every moment.  He sees the attributes of God manifested through everything.  And I am not talking about pantheism.  Everything is a reflection of God; even a rock is a manifestation of the attributes of God.  A rock is long-lasting, durable, and eternal.  God is ever-lasting, most durable, and the eternal.  A rock is a sign and proof of the existence of God.

So anyway, what does this have to do with womanhood?  It all began in a unique art class that I had to take as a sophomore.  I think we were assigned to design a project that had meaning to us and was a social service.  I remember a girl in my class wanted to design a service for young women, I think it was called “No More Tears.”  It’s designed for girls who have just left a broken relationship, girls who “lost” themselves in a relationship, and girls who forgot about their own ambitions and sense of self during a relationship.  As part of the project, the girls would come to the organization and bring a pair of shoes.  On their shoes they would glue and place symbols or a representation of everything that meant a lot to them.  As they wore their shoes, they would always remember what made them an individual.

I remember at the time thinking…woah!  Thank God I have not experienced this!  How does a girl allow herself to “lose” herself in a relationship?  But now as a senior, I have more understanding and sympathy.

Love is powerful and dangerous.  Just as Love for God causes the servant of God to be so consumed and forgetful of his own self…so does love for a temporal being/item.  A girl who is “in love” with her partner is willing to sacrifice and compromise almost every aspect of herself for the sake of union with her “beloved.”  When the relationship ends, she is confused and lost.  Of course, this is not the correct or right understanding of love…but what can you expect from the youth?  They are naïve and willing to take risks.  This kind of love exists on the side of the boy, as well.  However, I personally have seen only cases of a woman losing her sense of self.  This is yet another reason why many women choose to stay within abusive relationships.

In conclusion, women need to discover themselves before they seek a partner.  Independence is one of the best gifts she can offer to her husband.  The only Being that deserves a woman’s heart and self is her Creator.

-Randy Pausch

I finished reading the book, “The Last Lecture,” by Randy Pausch.  The author has a fatal disease (pancreatic cancer)…and wrote the book at a time when he had only a few months left to live.  I underlined various advice he had for the reader…one of his advices that struck me the most was on forgiveness.  He begins by saying how he would discuss with his students the proper way to apologize, which, by the way, is very Islamic. :)

“Working in groups was crucial in my classes, and friction between students was unavoidable.  Some students wouldn’t pull their load.  Others were so full of themselves that they’d belittle their partners.  By mid-semester, apologies were always in order.  When students wouldn’t do it, everything would spin out of control.  So I’d often give classes my little routine about apologies.

I’d start by describing the two classic bad apologies:

1. ‘I’m sorry that you feel hurt by what I’ve done.’  (This is an attempt at an emotional salve, but it’s obvious you don’t want to put any medicine in the wound.)

2. ‘I apologize for what I did, but you also need to apologize to me for what you’ve done.’ (That’s not giving an apology.  That’s asking for one.)

Proper apologies have three parts:

1. What I did was wrong.
2. I feel badly that I hurt you.
3. How do I make this better?

Yes, some people may take advantage of you when answering question three.  But most people will be genuinely appreciative of your make-good efforts.  They may tell you how to make it better in some small, easy way.  And often, they’ll work harder to help make things better themselves.

Students would say to me: ‘What if I apologize and the other person doesn’t apologize back?’  I’d tell them: ‘That’s not something you can control, so don’t let it eat at you.’

-Randy Pausch

Beautiful advice.  It’s funny, because I had a rocky weekend lately, and my friend sent me a beautiful apology e-mail.  I thought of Randy before I responded.  So I made sure that I apologized back.  To say “I’m sorry” to somebody is such a sign of humility…you just have to accept it.  To not accept an apology is a sign of arrogance…and that it a whole other blog entry.  Within seconds after reading the e-mail from my friend, all sadness and tension within me vanished.

Not forgiving somebody can lead one to harbor rancor in his/her heart.  And I learned the HARD WAY to never do this again!  Shaykh Hamza Yusuf was so right when he said that the person who harbors the rancor is more harmed than the person who is the target of rancor.

Anyway, don’t be scared!  (Haha) I don’t have any ill-feelings towards anyone, all praise be to God.  It’s wonderful to be in this state.

“God will say on the day of Resurrection, ‘O Son of Adam! I fell ill and you did not visit me.’ He will say, ‘O Lord, how shall I visit you when You are the Lord of the Worlds?’ He will say, ‘Did you know that My servant so-and-so had fallen ill and you did not visit him?  Did you not know that had you visited him, you would have found Me with him.’” [Muslim]

Read the last line again.  Can you imagine?  My dad lives with me.  Does that mean that Allah is closer to me now that there is an ill person in my house?  I’m amazed that this line didn’t hit me the first time I read it.  InshAllah just sitting in my dad’s presence will help me to get closer to Allah.

According to a neurologist, my dad has a disease that has no cure.  This illness has completely changed my relationship with my dad  There was a time when I could not talk to him…not because we didn’t get along…but because we didn’t clique.  There was a time when I refused to let him hug me, I felt awkward.  There was a time when I couldn’t look at his face and smile because I would remember the times that he yelled at me.  There was a time when I enjoyed being out of the house more than being in the house.

Now I can sit near my dad for hours…stare at his face for hours…smile and laugh.  Now I let him hug me whenever he wants, and I initiate hugs every day.  The first thing I usually do when I leave school now is go home to just be in his presence.  Spending time with friends have become a second priority.  I wonder if he notices because one time he was looking out into the backyard and talking about the plants, but I completely ignored the plants and just stared at my dad’s face the entire time.

My mom has her own experiences.  This illness is harder on her than it is on me.  My mom’s advice to my brother, his wife, and I is to always “be humble, patient, and kind,” because you never know when Allah might take your health away…and place you in a vulnerable state.

Humans can walk on this earth, boast, and be proud of their success and physical prowess.  But what does it amount to in the end?  In the end we become old, weak, and dependent on humans again.  We are not great except through the greatness Allah bestows on us temporarily.  And in reality this greatness all stems from Him.

There was a time when my dad used to say to others that he can pick up his entire family (which was true at the time).  My dad was always physically strong.  Now my dad is weaker and depends on my mom for a lot.  InshAllah maybe a miracle will happen and he will regain his strength…and if not then I hope that this illness is a purification for my family and that my dad feels the most ease and the least pain.  Ameen.